I am doing another series called “Let’s Talk” where we can have a real talk about life; an honest conversation about fears, dreams, encouragement and all the things we struggle with as women. From anxiety to body insecurities, I’ll talk about it. I feel that I have been given a platform to speak about life honestly and openly with you and I hope you feel that you can relate to posts like these. I want you to know you’re not alone AND I want to know that I am not the only one going through these things. We can grow and learn from each other. So here we go. No mask, no pretending just realness. Ok…deep post ahead.
I have lots of fears just like you. One of my fears is waking up in the morning with my crazy lion hair and my straightener breaks and I have no way of taming my hair before work and I have to show up with frizzy unruly hair. Ok… that is a stupid fear lol but that is a real fear of mine. I have a fear of feet touching my feet. Like if my husbands feet accidentally touch my feet while we’re in bed I cringe so bad! But I don’t have any problems getting pedicures or people touching my feet…hmm interesting ;). Again, that is another stupid fear that will probably give me anxiety but not the kind where I feel like I’m drowning. The fear of failure is a big one for me right now in this point of my life. I catch myself in a panic sometimes thinking about where I am in life. I ask myself a series of questions periodically until I almost cry because I cannot contain the overwhelming fear that I feel. Actually, if I am being honest, I sometimes do cry. What kind of questions do I ask myself that make me feel like this? They go something like this…
What am I doing with my life? What do I want to do with my life? Do I have a sense of direction of what my calling is? Am I dreaming too big? Am I waisting time?
I sometimes feel like I am failing in life because I am not where I “think” I should be. I feel old but young at the same time to where I am not a kid anymore but I am not dying yet either but I can’t help but feel like I am waisting time.
Let me clarify something before we go on. If I would have told myself 5 years ago that I would marry the man of my dreams, graduate college, have my dream first home, have an amazing job that enables me to travel and vacation to amazing places, and create great friendships along the way all at the age of 24… I would have laughed. I would have thought to myself, “Wow that life would be such a dream come true”. The truth is, that today, I am living the life I always dreamed about when I was little. But then why do I feel like I am failing?
After searching for the root of this fear for a while now and really praying and discerning these overwhelming feelings, I finally have come to the answer. Ready? Drum roll please. Comparison. Yup I am guilty. I compare myself to other people. I compare my life with their life and feel depressed that I haven’t travelled the world, that I haven’t started the business I dream about, that I am living safe unlike so and so and they are doing this and that and blah blah blah blah blah! God, it’s exhausting. Comparison opens the door to other sins like jealousy and a vicious cycle of insecurities that may or may not even be real. I am done. I am done making myself feel less. I am done thinking, “Why can’t I look like that? “Why can’t I do this or that”. That’s so dumb!
You are the only you there is in this world. No one can do what you do in this life. There is no other person that has the exact same features and preferences as you do. I know it sounds cheesy and cliché, but it is the truth. I know you know this. You are unique in all your talents and gifts. In a world of 7 billion people, no two people have the same fingerprint. Say whaaaaat! That’s insane. God made you and me for a specific purpose that only we can fulfill and comparing ourselves to others only hinders us from living our life. It chains us from living an authentic original life. It’s a never ending cycle of discontentment in yourself. The measure of success should be defined by God’s standards and not the worlds.
Being confident in who you are is the key to overcoming insecurities. I am not saying that you, or I are never going to have self doubt or feel insecure because those are real feelings that may come from time to time. There is no one time fix. It is something that must be constantly worked at. I just want to be happy and free to be who I am without feeling like I should be someone else. I want you to feel the same. I have noticed that when I place myself in this mentality I excel. I feel comfortable and truly happy with who I am and who I am becoming as a woman. Letting go of the fear of failure is something that I continually work towards.
I know I am wearing my heart on my sleeve right now and it actually feels pretty good. I just want other women that are in the same boat to feel that you are not alone. If this post resonates with you, I would love to read your comments or emails about any other ways that you are overcoming comparison. Thank you so much for reading this super long post! Be encouraged, God is not done with us!
“And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.” Philippians 1:6
“Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” Hebrews 4:16
“And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28